Self-demand, when nothing is ever enough
If you demand too much of yourself, can't switch off and feel guilty resting, this is about you. Online therapy with Margarita Margenat, psychologist, to stop being your own worst enemy.
You do a lot and it feels like little. When you achieve something, you celebrate for a second and you’re already thinking about what’s next. Resting makes you feel guilty. And inside there’s a voice that talks to you the way you’d never talk to anyone else.
That’s self-demand. And it almost always comes with anxiety, trouble sleeping, and the feeling of not being enough even when everyone tells you otherwise.
Where it comes from
Nobody is born pushing themselves like this. We learn it. At home, at school, in relationships where affection seemed to depend on doing everything right. It was a way of adapting and of being loved, and it worked. The problem is that you don’t need it anymore and it’s still in charge.
It isn’t you, it’s the programming you grew up with.
How we work on it in therapy
- First you see it. You learn to catch that voice the moment it shows up, instead of believing it.
- You understand what it protected you from and why it’s still there. Once you understand it, it stops being your enemy.
- You set boundaries, with yourself too. Saying no without feeling you’ve failed.
- You change the way you treat yourself. This is where anxiety really comes down, because you stop living as if you were being tested.
I work from listening and acceptance, without judging you. Sessions are online, by video, one hour long, and between sessions I’m still there on WhatsApp.
Getting started
A session is €80, with packs of 4, 6 or 8 sessions at a reduced price. Before anything else, a free 15-minute call: you tell me where you are and we see whether I can help.
Frequently asked questions
How do I know if I demand too much of myself?
If resting makes you feel guilty, if what you achieve lasts a second before you're onto the next thing, if you talk to yourself in a way you'd never use with someone you love. You don't need to tick every box; one is enough to be worth a look.
Can self-demand be changed?
Yes. It isn't a trait you're born with, it's a way of adapting that you learned. What was learned can be revisited. It's not about doing things less well, it's about no longer paying for it with your health.
Self-demand or perfectionism?
They go together. Perfectionism is the impossible bar; self-demand is the voice that punishes you when you don't reach it. In therapy we work on both.